This is just one view of the astonishing house being built two doors down from us. I intend to dribble them out slowly, for the entertainment of my readers.

The people building this place started long before we began building ours. We took a year and a half, being lazy, and have been living in it for two years and five months. That means the rainbow coalition has been at it for at least four years and there is still no sign that they mean to stop.

Please note the halogen lights placed at discreet intervals on this completely non-functional balustrade.

And watch this space. Tomorrow: The Grassy Knoll.