Question:
My son is in a mainstream school although he is a slow learner. He likes going to his class everyday but he has no friends. Is there anything i can do to help him become more popular in class?
 
Reply:
Dear Mrs. ..........,

This is a good question. Social Development is a very important aspect of a child's growth which for some reason, always gets a back seat. I am happy that you are concerned about this important aspect of your son's development.

While it is not possible for me to answer specifically about your son without getting more details about his age, class, preferences, family atmosphere and academic difficulties (as you say he is a slow learner attending mainstream school), I can say that a multitude of factors contribute to the social success or failure of a school going child. Physical appearance, self-confidence and credible social role models all have their influences. But most important is the student’s own social capacities.

You could observe your son while he is interacting with peers and see whether he can communicate with social appropriateness, show some insight into a friend's feelings and needs, resolve the inevitable conflicts with friends smoothly and do some reasonable sharing of experiences and possessions. Make a note of his strong and weak points and then make a conscious effort to work on the weak points by giving him real life situations to problem solve.

You say that he likes going to his class everyday. Well, that is half the battle won. This is a wonderful and positive sign and you should use it to your advantage. Talk to him about his class, what he enjoys there and which are the children that he likes. Then make an effort to meet these children and their parents. Have some social gatherings like parties or picnics and invite them. This would give the children a chance to meet your son out of school and see his other qualities and not just his academic difficulties which is what they probably notice most in class.

Lastly I would say that you should be as sympathetic and open minded as possible with your child. Children should sense that they can confide in caring adults and can tell them about any social setbacks or dilemmas that they are facing. When children confess their personal problems, their mothers or fathers should be all ears, suppressing their parental instincts to swoop down and preach or offer advice. Children crave empathy, a secure sense that they are not alone when they deal with what they consider earthshaking social disasters.

Wishing you and your son lots of new friends!!!

Manju Singhania
Special Educator