April 22nd, 2009 Jo
For the most part, we shouldn’t be surprised by children’s behaviour. They learn it from us. They watch us closely - not just when we think we are “teaching” them, but all the time. They watch when we are under stress, when we are angry, when all our buttons get pushed. They watch us when we are hot and tired and exasperated and they store it all up in their bag of tricks to be brought out when THEY are hot or tired or exasperated.
Usually, this mea
ns trouble, and parents and teachers often get “caught,” so to speak, when we see our worst selves being imitated to perfection by our children.
So I was moved almost to tears on a visit to Karuna Vihar School today where I had the chance to observe children practicing what they have very obviously learned from their teachers.
Chotu is a boy with many difficulties, one of which is called “self-hurting”. It is painful to watch him hit and pinch himself or to struggle and cry to be allowed to. It always amazes me to see how gently and lovingly the teachers work with him.
This is Ramesh holding Chotu and he never seems to lose his cool or to forget the importance of what he is doing.
One of our strategies with Chotu is to keep the number of people working with him to an absolute minimum. So it’s an intense job for Ramesh, with few breaks. His loving interaction is inspiring.
And when I say inspiring, I really mean it.
Here is Shweta, who is a few years older than Chotu and has taken on the role of elder sister to him. Clearly taking her cues from Ramesh and others who work in Karuna Vihar, she looks like a young special educator in the making:
I know this speaks volumes about Shweta and what a wonderful person she is, but it also speaks libraries about the fine examples she has to emulate at Karuna Vihar.
Posted in Growing Up, Inspiration, Staff Stories | 9 Comments »
October 24th, 2008 Jo
We have every reason to be proud. These are some of the beautiful diyas the young adults in the training centre are making these days with guidance from Monica, one of our most talented special educators.
I visited yesterday with some American friends and the place was buzzing with activity - there’s a mela at Welham Girls tomorrow and it was all hands on deck in an effort to make as many diyas as possible for what promises to be a huge sale opportunity.
Diyas are just one small part of the big picture: independence, self-reliance, the amazing feeling of a job well-done. WELL DONE, CVT!
Posted in Growing Up | 2 Comments »
August 31st, 2008 Jo
It’s so easy to like this boy. I know I shouldn’t say it, being the Mom, but Anand is so charming and funny and smart it is impossible not to fall for him. He always makes me proud. He can handle any situation with grace and aplomb and he has a gift for making other people feel easy and included. I love watching him in a group - any group. He can mingle with elderly relatives, neighbors from Vasant Vihar, little kids from Latika, university professors and political activists from both sides of the fence - all with the same wit and intelligence and genuine interest in who they are. He wants to hear their stories and understand what makes them tick.
At Mom’s funeral, Anand read the Prayer of the Faithful. As I listened to him speak about his grandmother, I realized just how lucky Ravi and I are to have such a son: in India, our children are our Social Security System. We’ve got a ways to go before we retire, but watching him there on the altar that day, I knew he’d be ready when we do.
Posted in Growing Up | 1 Comment »
August 26th, 2008 Jo
Here they are. These are the people who are going to change the world for young adults with mental handicap. Mothers all, these are women who know that the future of their children depends upon them. No one else.
Now that Moy Moy is in the CVT, I will be attending monthly parents’ meetings along with the parents of the 26 other young adults who attend the centre every day. At Friday’s meeting, I was the only new parent to turn up. Of the parents of the old students, about a dozen had come.
It’s an interesting quandry. Everyone talked about the problems they had in attending, about the difficulties of getting away from work or home or the demands of family life and no one doubted anyone else’s story for a moment. They are genuine concerns, real limitations, absolutely insurmountable difficulties.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter. The universe (the same one that sent Shruti just the day I called for her - see below) doesn’t care about our difficulties or problems or inability to find the time. Our children will still keep growing, still keep moving along that forward curve into the future and like it or not, one day, very very soon, we are going to turn around and see that they are adults. They are not sitting around, waiting for us to get it together Where are their jobs? Where is the day centre where they can go to meet their friends and have some meaningful activities in their day?
After a lifetime of education - 12 or 15 years in school, skills acquired, routines established - are we really ready to ask them to sit at home now and rot?
Come on, parents! It’s up to us. We can do it!
Posted in Growing Up | No Comments »
August 17th, 2008 Jo
Now that Moy Moy is in “college” (the CVT), she needs to decide on her major, as well as her research topic.
Cathleen is halfway through her college career, so she’s in a good position to help her make up her mind. After some discussion with her sister, Moy has decided that her major will be Serenity and her research topic will be: “The Effects of Sleep on Happiness”.
She spends several hours after school each day doing “head down” research and hopes to have a definitive answer very soon.
Posted in Fun!, Growing Up | 2 Comments »
August 15th, 2008 Jo
I wish everyone could have a daughter like our Cathleen. This summer, she came home for three months and we were all so excited about the prospect of so much time with her.
One of her main reasons for coming was that she wanted to spend time with Moy Moy. After her illness in January, Cathleen had been feeling anxious about her little sister - when she got an opportunity for a fellowship to come here and teach Theology in our parish, she grabbed it, mostly as an excuse to be with Moy.
But beware what you wish for.
She had been here only a few weeks when I got the news that Mom was dying. I rushed off to the US, and Cathleen took over the house. A few days later, Moy’s babysitter stopped coming - HER mother was also very sick, and she needed to nurse her. So Cathleen swung into her new 24-hour-a-day job without missing a beat.
Normally when I go away, Moy Moy mopes a bit. She often develops mysterious small illnesses and generally keeps everyone alert and on their toes. This time, she basked in the lavish care Cathleen didi bestowed. When I got back, she was glowing.
Now, tomorrow, Cathleen is leaving. Oh, the dreadful rituals of departure! She has been packing for the last two days. The sight of the large suitcases on the living room floor is a constant reminder. Mummy and Masiji keep averting their eyes, as if pretending it isn’t happening will change the inevitable.
She has been wearing my clothes since hers are all packed now (I like that); and suddenly, she has remembered a dozen things she needs to do. Yesterday, she got her eyes examined and bought new contact lenses, shopped for last minute gifts, and picked up all the new sari blouses she has had stitched. Today, her last in Dehradun, she went to visit the nuns from her old school, tried to visit her friend Prashant Uncle (he was in Delhi), got her eyebrows done, crazy-glued the earrings she has been meaning to repair for weeks, printed out two long homework assignments, burned a few CDs for a friend, and still managed to make me my cup of tea in the morning, attend our Independence Day celebrations at Karuna Vihar and spend hours with Mummy and Masiji and Moy Moy.
The house comes to life when she is here. She brings order and joy wherever she goes. Everyone should have a daughter like this one.
Posted in Growing Up, Inspiration | 3 Comments »
August 7th, 2008 Jo
Moy Moy just graduated from KV School to our Centre for Vocational Training! She loves the jazzy new uniform (she has been wearing KV red for 12 years and she is fed up with it) and is thrilled about meeting all her old friends again (Sakshi, Arjun and Vishal, for instance) and particularly about being with her old teachers - Sunita, Shivani and Hema.
For me, though, the shift presents a major - and possibly insurmountable - challenge. Moy has been at KV so long she is like the reigning Princess there. She comes in when she feels like it, leaves when she decides to and generally has everyone waiting on her hand and foot.
The CVT, which Savita rules with an iron hand, has a whole different set of rules. Moy is expected to be there on time! 9 AM! Just imagine! On Day One, the kids all arrived in a group after a farewell at KV School, so she was there with everyone else. But on Day Two, I raced down there with Moy in her jogging stroller and I felt so proud of myself for arriving at 9:10, a good hour earlier than my usual entrance.
Savita was standing at the Assembly and she glared at me, signed to her watch and went on with whatever she was saying. Sheesh! It’s not easy to grow up!
Posted in Growing Up | 2 Comments »
August 1st, 2008 Jo
In every family, there are always people who stay in the background and quietly make things happen. Christopher is one of those.
Chris lives in Miami with Mom’s twin, Aunt Chris. He is her primary caregiver, making sure that she has every little thing she needs. It restricts his life considerably, but he seldom complains about it.
He also works for American Airlines and he has been incredibly generous with his travel privileges over the years. Since AA started flying to India (a non-stop 15 hour flight from Chicago to Delhi), Anand, Cathleen and I have gotten used to a life of utter and complete luxury - flying First or Business Class for less than it would cost to go by Economy if we were paying ourselves. If all goes well, he will be getting Dad, Lucy and her two boys over here at the end of this month!
There is always a little tension, of course, since the travel privileges mean going standby. We are tense, but Christopher is BUSY. He plots our routes with cunning and style - constantly watching what’s available and swooping us around the country in whatever way he has to to get us where we need to be. When Patrick and I flew to India together a few years ago, Chris spent the whole morning getting us from Boston to Chicago - via Raleigh and then Cleveland, as I recall. all very exciting for us, but tedious work for him!
The two little girls in the picture are Grace and Sheila (daughters of Moy and Mary). Chris is the uncle they wait for; with no kids of his own, they are all sure they are the favorite.
Posted in Growing Up | No Comments »
July 16th, 2008 Jo
Being at home with Dad this month has meant many trips down memory lane - some metaphorical, some actual. We went to Fall River several times - where both of us were born, though he lived there for over 70 years and I left at 21. I loved the city, though much of that is simply affection for the place I grew up in. It’s a poor city, and there’s not much going on there now, nor was there, to be honest, when I was a child.
Dad owned a bookstore there in the late forties and early fifties and it was symbolic of the kind of place it was that he eventually went bankrupt.
So we were both surprised and delighted to find another bookstore on Main Street when we were there yesterday. It’s a secondhand shop, too, and filled with an amazing collection of fine literature, poetry, history and drama. I bought two books I have been looking for for awhile - a collection of poems by Mary Oliver (whom I was introduced to by my friend Nicola) and The Johnstown Flood by David McCullough, my new hot favorite (I am reading John Adams now - it’s riveting).
But the really amazing thing about this shop was the two brothers who own it. Meeting them was a wonderful reminder that even a depressed city like Fall River contains jewels. Jeff and John were incredibly well-read and knowledgeable, passionate about their city and so eager to meet new people and share their love of books. They were thrilled to discover I was from India (Jeff asked if I had ever been to Meerut, scene of the great mutiny - he couldn’t believe Dehradun is just a few hours away from the city that lived in his imagination as a place of excitement and legend - I didn’t tell him it was a bit like Fall River!). They raved about the Flashman series (which my brother Owen has been telling me to read for years), and particularly about the one set in India. We had such a wonderful time chatting we almost missed Dad’s doctor’s appointment!
Posted in Growing Up, Inspiration | 1 Comment »
June 8th, 2008 Jo
Moy Moy has been pretty patient with us. For years now, we have been treating her like a baby, and she hasn’t objected too strongly. Her corner of the room is full of toys and storybooks and we dress her in “frocks” and put bows in her hair. Why did it take us so long to wake up to the fact that just because she doesn’t speak it doesn’t follow that she is an infant?
Yesterday morning when I got up I suddenly realized this had to stop. It happened when I was cleaning her shelves. I took one stupid toy after another down from the rack, thinking, “She doesn’t like this one; she never looks at that one; I’ll give this one to Rainbow,” and the scales dropped from my eyes: Moy Moy is 18 years old! What possessed us to think toys and nursery rhymes were what she needed? So today I am packing up a box to give to Rainbow and Cathleen and I are going to go through her wardrobe and get rid of all the inappropriate clothes we have collected for her.
Best of all, we have started reading to her from the things we are reading - yesterday, Cathleen read her a newspaper article about a government official who asked all his ministers to ride bicycles to work as a gesture of environmental awareness and the need for conservation. It was a hilarious account of these overweight, out-of-shape ministers struggling to stay on their cycles and finally being PUSHED up the hills by their poor security men and aides! Moy Moy was most amused.
And the look on her face above says it all: “Took you long enough, guys!”
Posted in Bright Ideas, Fun!, Growing Up | 3 Comments »